Dear Trail-mates,
I did it! I resisted the strong impulse to hike the remaining 5 1/4 miles to the spur trail to Callahan's Siskiyou Lodge where I will spend my zero day(s). Instead here I am in my tent in the woods.
I hiked less than 10 miles. And I stopped. The morning was sweet. Many stops, lots of slow quiet time. Particularly sweet was quiet time shared with Daniel the clear and quiet-eyed Buddhist monk (looking into his eyes is like looking into a clear in disturbed pool where you can see everything at the bottom). We talked about how he came to Buddhist practice, how hard it was for him, how he liked the ways it changed him. It caused me to remember how deeply involved with vipassana meditation I was just before Mary died. Yoga too. Psychedelic drugs ( a little). It is complicated to sort out how she died, why, what was cause, what was effect. Anyway, it's interesting to realize that the aversion I feel toward Buddhism (to which I am also attracted) may be related to that time when my practice possibly was a factor in -- in what? The death of Mary? Paranormal consciousness states? Mental illness?
As I walk this pilgrimage -- oh my god, I forgot to tell you, grandson-in-law Justin's Filipino folklore to animated film project got fully funded! Thank you thank you to all who contributed with pledges and/or sending prayers and wishes his way. And sister Bonnie is riding her wave ( with an 85% reduction in tumor size). The third thing this pilgrimage is about for me (besides discovering as I walk one step, one breath, one vista at a time, what it is about) is self-compassion and life integration. My friend Kathi is interested in self-biography and that seems closely related. So I am glad to have time and space to reflect on the most troubling and mysterious time of my life.
A funny day. I lost a tent stake. Know I had it last night. Searched and searched and searched before I left the tent site but never found it. Then I lost a sock. After losing and recovering my foam pad yesterday, this looks like a bit of a trend. (The prof. Freud of my imagination suggests this may express desire to leave the trail - losing things that in various ways represent and embody my safety and sense of security on the trail. Also death wish, desire NOT to be safe. I didn't find it all that illuminating. But interesting it occurs as I try to slow down and do less. I could daily I just get less focused, less adrenaline, more ADD symptoms. I know I'm an adrenaline junkie; that's why I loved emergency work.
On the other hand I met a thru hiker today I didn't like much. He spoke of hiking thru the snow storm in the Sierra, cold wet feet, no visible trail. He spoke with contempt of hikers who skipped the Sierra and would return to do it later. "Glorified section hikers," he sneered. "They lost a lot of status on the hiker community. A thru hiker jokes thru no matter the conditions. A thru hiker doesn't skip around. ". He went on a rant and I kept stretching to see and validate his viewpoint until finally I told him "I see your point of view but actually I don't agree. And now I'd like to slow down and hike my own hike. " he accelerated his pace and disappeared and I was very relieved. How different from being with Daniel, put here for four days, pulling out a color leaflet that identifies all the wildflowers. Or the birdwatcher I met who pointed out a white headed woodpecker I couldn't quite see, very rare, he said, his head is pure white and his body very dark.
It's fun to have a villain isn't it? I never learned the Bad Thru Hiker's name. He told me but I couldn't quite understand it.
I met other people too. A couple who have walked he Camino many times and would like to walk the PCT. or he would. She is reluctant. They've been together just over 30 years and her name is Christine and she is from Germany!
And a woman turning 80 hiking with her granddaughter whose dream is to hike the Camino. I'm close to Ashland and the I-5 crossing. Lots of day hikers.
Not only did I lose a sock and a tent stake but I forgot to take pictures.
So we'll have to make do with my tent site.
Photo 1: me at my tent site.
Photo 2: evening shadows -- that almost horizontal light just before sunset at my tentsite.
Photo 3. My pack and sticks at the tentsite.
Photo 4. Elevating my feet. This time against a big beautiful granite Boulder. Bonnie's Wave seen from upside down.
Photo 5. Riv lying in the ground with feet in the air. It's the "foot soldiers" who ask for this, but my whole body loves it. Makes me feel grounded and calm. That yellow "dry sack" (they roll up and clasp and supposedly protect what's inside from getting wet) is for my clothes (socks and underwear I'm not wearing, long wool underwear, down booties for night, down puffy for night--it's also where I keep my id and money when I'm not in town. And my night shades and earplugs. Which I rarely use but sometimes need. ) and serves as my pillow, both at night and when I put my feet up in what I think of as my inverted pose. It isn't the headstand but it has a yogic feel, and calm. Deep calm. In this photo if you look carefully under the right arm you glimpse the gray foam mat I lost and found yesterday. As for the lost sock and tent stake, I called REI and ordered them ( I had of course to buy two socks but was surprised I could order a single tent stake. ) and they are on their way to meet me at Crater Lake July 28. At first the stake wasn't due to arrive til the 28th (the socks, shipped from a different location, was due the 23rd so we both felt secure it would be there on time) then Lorne the customer service guy suggested we try the mini version of the stake and sure enough it was shipped from the closer place and predicted to arrive July 23. Then Lorne asked if I'd ever been to Crater Lake (no) and told me it was dry beautiful and one of his favorite places in the world. So now I am very excited about walking toward Crater Lake. Maybe that's why I lost the sock and the stake. So I could connect with Lorne's love for Crater Lake.
So that's it for tonight. Tomorrow I hike to Callahans and I probably will stay for two zero days. We will see what wins out, River's restless desire to move on or her desire to see Barbara and her dog Angel again (they planned to arrive July 21).
Buy for now, trail Angels and friends. Thank you for all your support. It does feel like you are "there" and we made the leap from email to blog
Hugs and sweet dreams.
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